Tonight the kids and I went up to help mum bag up a lot of dad's clothes and shoes for charity. I can't say it's the easiest thing I've ever been involved in, but the effect on Anna was quite curious...
In a fairly carefree manner she folded many of his shirts and t-shirts and put them into black bags as mum held them open. (I had no idea my dad had more clothes than you can buy in Silverburn :-\) Meanwhile, downstairs, Marcel had put all of his shoes in pairs across the hall floor. He was the only one tall enough to reach the shelf he kept his shoes on. I knew dad was a shoe lover so was less surprised to find more than twenty pairs up there. Anna, again, didn't seem overly worried.
But as we got into the car to leave, she had a complete meltdown, sobbing hysterically all the way home. When I had finally hugged her calm again, she explained: Pumpa loved shoes. He told me he loved my red shoes when I got them at Xmas. I got new sandals last week and if he was alive he'd probably love them too but he died and now he can't see my sandals or tell me how beautiful they are. And there's no way he'll ever come back to life to see my sandals and that's not fair because he'd like my sandals!
(Addendum: This morning she'd obviously been mulling it over still as she woke up sobbing that he didn't get to see her new flip flops either :-( )
I am pleased that your Mom didn't rush to box your father's things away. When my Granny died, My brother sister and I went to her apartment and started to go through everything. Take what we wanted and give the rest away. Well, for some reason, and I remember not being happy at the time of this decision, to sell all the furniture. And, as they warn you, the next morning my sister had a melt down and just had to rescue Grannies bedroom furniture. Which meant, paying out more money! Ahhh
but, when you say, that taking his clothes and putting them in bags is tough. I know what you mean! This is a very real and concrete message that your loved one is gone! I am also happy that your baby, knew her Grandfather so well! She will remember him fondly, is there anything better? xx Cynthia
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