Sunday, September 07, 2008


The manse greenhouse
Originally uploaded by
Why is it they never mention the course your baby's first cold will run in the baby books?
Firstly, they forget to say that because they are breathing through their mouths due to blocked noses, they won't be able to breastfeed. Every time they latch on, they get three slugs of milk down their throat before they need to breathe so pull off and cry. Of course the three slugs is enough for the let down reflex to kick in so you are left with a jet of milk shooting across the carpet from one or other of your boobs.
Secondly they don't sleep very well so end up in and out of your bed for three days turning you into a zombie (with your own cold by this time).
Finally, and most impressively, by day three or four, because your 6-8 month old cherub has not mastered nose-blowing, gallons of snot will have accumulated in their gut. Now here's the main bit they forget to tell you - read closely because it always happens. The gut reaches full snot capacity and decides the only possible course of action is projectile vomit. Three gallons of snot and that day's breakfast and lunch will come out at 100mph hitting you square in the face before drenching your couch and walls.
I guess the moral is: on day three and four of your infant's first cold, don't feed them pasta with tomato sauce but something a little closer in colour to your wallpaper or upholstery.
(I am, of course, sitting here drenched in three gallons of snot, some toast crumbs and a bucketful of regurgitated scrambled egg... Get well soon, Anna!)

1 comment:

Trine said...

We're on day two of Ellens first cold, so thank you for the warning!

And both Kåre and I have caught the cold as well...