NEW BED

My parents bought us this lovely comfortable bed recently as a wedding present. Back in February when we got married, we had told people to hold off on wedding presents till we threw our big wedding party at some point in the near future but given the depth of this recession, finding the job security to blow money on a wedding party is looking very unlikely in the short to medium term. My parents took pity on me with my pregnant belly trying to sleep in an uncomfortable old bed and offered us this. It is just lovely. For years I assumed you woke up at our age with a sore back every morning simply because of age and not because of the bed but now I could sleep all day - well if the little people would let me. (So the end result is usually getting to stay under the duvet till 8am which really isn't bad with all these kids.)
And the most wonderful feature is the nice padded surround. Last time Thomas and I had gone on looks, buying a basic but fairly attractive black, iron bed frame, not considering that the metal bars would be so painful behind your back that you wouldn't be able to sit in bed with a book or a laptop. With this bed I can do a day's work without ever needing to get up! In fact it probably means I can work from the day after I have the baby which is just as well because the company I work for would struggle to pay me maternity leave this time round!

THE WEDDING

As many of you know, we brought forward our wedding after being threatened with imminent redundancy. It wasn't a difficult decision to take. We were told the job news 13 days before Thomas's parents' last scheduled visit to us before the summer. The law in Scotland says you need 15 clear days notice to get married and we were 16 days from the only Saturday they were planning to be here. Easy decision! We'd bought the rings anyway when we got engaged so that was one expense off the shopping list! Anyone who had read this blog since we got engaged back on 11-1-09 probably knew I wasn't much looking forward to getting married. Don't get me wrong, I was very much looking forward to being married, it was just the actual ceremony and the plans surrounding it that were stressing me. Before the work bombshell, we had more or less settled on some combination of a do somewhere in Ayrshire on 6-6-09 with a picnic in Culzean and a meal and ceilidh at Dad's golf club inviting many people from here and abroad. I was also hoping to get a wee week in Santorini or NY thrown in. But life had other plans, and when you are faced with being unable to pay the mortgage and feed the kids suddenly you don't want to be spending your month's (or several month's) salary on a meal for your pals - however much you love them! With just 15 day notice to the wedding, going on a diet was the first pointless item on the list to be shelved, not just for me, but for my parents and no doubt several others. That was one piece of stress out the window. Next I went through my cupboards to see if I had a dress and dug out what I'd worn to Siobhan's wedding for me and each of the kids' best jeans and t-shirt. At this point my parents stepped in and offered to pay for outfits for the 4 kids and me, citing the fact that they had not bought me a dress the first time I got married. I imagine mum probably talked dad into this! Thanks mum (and dad)! Work commitments meant I had just one afternoon to find something for us to wear. Another piece of cake - no stressing for months over finding just the right dress and whether my shoes were the right shade to match. It also meant buying things from M&S and Next rather than bridal specialists so expenses were a shadow of what they'd have been in June. Derek came to Thomas's rescue offering to swap his usual Buchanan tartan kilt for a suit so Thomas could borrow his whole traditional dress kilt for the day. It was so special to be given that opportunity free of charge. How lucky they are almost the same size... 1 small problem, but I'll blog that separately! Thanks Derek! Next was location. With my brother and his wife living off Park Circus we could walk to the wedding doing away with the need for wedding cars or bus hire. Flowers were next to go. No buying bridal bouquets at £100 when a small bunch of M&S roses at £6 could be split between Lots and I on the morning. Brita also rustled up a pretty floral display for the table. Wedding cakes were crafted amazingly by Miriam, despite flying into Scotland arriving after 6pm on the 27th! Amazing, and they couldn't have tasted better if we'd spent a fortune. Hair and makeup by me definitely came in cheaper than official alternatives! Lots and Dad took many of the photos - I was finding taking photos of myself somewhat tricky! Finally, Amanda selflessly volunteered her flat as a venue making our wedding possible and provided a buffet and some booze, while we provided the champagne and cakes. Amanda, you're a star! My friend Karen summed it up for me when she emailed after the event: You seem to have stumbled upon the happiest and least stressful way to have a wedding! She was so right. Instead of stressing till June and snapping at everyone, we just did it and enough of our friends dropped everything to make our day wonderful. They managed to help us forget our current problems and didn't seem to angry at missing out (for now) on the traditional 3 or 4 course meal with cheesy speeches. After everyone had gone, Derek and Amanda ordered us a nice curry from the Shish Mahal so we did get a wedding meal without doing the dishes, and even kept our 3 big kids overnight. I can say, hand on heart, that it was my 'perfect wedding'. The timescale was just right for my nerves, the registry office beautiful and the party was so special. Thanks to everyone who came, those who sent their love if they couldn't come and our 2 families for making our day truly wonderful.

EDITING AWAY

 The bride and groom with their itsy bitsy flowergirl Originally uploaded by PhylB

Thomas and I got married on Saturday. Ever since I have been bombarded by people asking when the photos are going up on flickr! Given many were taken by a 9 year old, I am having to straighten and chop them a bit before they go up, so with that and work, and guests still here, I have very little time to blog at the moment. I will blog the wedding tomorrow once my guests have left but for now, I have managed to upload the photos up to our arrival at the registry office.

VI SKAL GIFTES

 Thomas and I Originally uploaded by PhylB

All week we've been trying, fairly unsuccessfully, to explain to Pudge that we are getting married. There are two problems. He doesn't know we aren't married and he doesn't know what married means anyway. From time to time Pudge has heard Thomas say Det er giftigt (that is poisonous) when he's gone to eat something he shouldn't. Today at breakfast Thomas told him again that we're getting married:Vi skal giftes. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I asked, given how worried he looked. It's a bad thing, he said, lip quivering, You might get dead from that you know! Poor wee man. Hopefully he'll enjoy the party tomorrow once he susses Thomas is not intending to kill me.

RAIN

Well just to add to our current woes, the BBC says Saturday is going to be torrential. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised in February, but to be honest, given how nice the weather was on Monday and Tuesday, I had dared to hope for better :-( I guess I should hang about the registry office for ten minutes and take a few photos since any photoshoot at Derek and Amanda's is likely to have drowned rats as its subject, and any photoshoot in the park is likely to be out of the question. Whatever the weather has in store, whatever the job prospects, at least I am assured a fascinating future full of love, tenderness, endless talking, respect, support and mutual nerdiness... I guess that counts most. Looking forward to seeing all those who've emailed (and hopefully more) on Saturday. If we've not finished making the cake by then, we'll nip into Sainsburys garage on Woodlands road and get a packet or two of digestives. I bet none of you has ever been to such an upmarket wedding, huh? ;-) Thomas just told me he plans to sculpt us two out of marzipan for the top of the cake. Now that's got to be worth coming to see, surely?!

BARGAIN BASEMENT IMPROMPTU WEDDING

pc 1gs
Originally uploaded by 44b

Well you'll all have heard by now why the international wedding with reception party at the golf club had to be cancelled.
As Thomas says on his own blog, that left us 2 options - wait till we get back on our feet, which could be years, or do something wild and silly, so we have decided to choose the latter. Having discussed the options last Thursday after the work bombshell, we came to the conclusion we ought to have the wedding now and the reception one day in the hopefully not too distant future (or at the very least, before we die!)
So the plan is to get married a week on Saturday (28-02-09) at 2pm at the registry office in Park Circus. The rest depends a bit on our family, friends, and blog-readers. After the ceremony at 2-30 we will have champagne, or probably cava given our current budget, and a homemade (by Charlotte and Thomas) wedding cake - I am informed it is to be a kransekage (whatever that is) at my brother and sister-in-law's house just opposite the registry office.
Given we haven't time to send out invites, this is it - anyone we know with a spare hour or two on Saturday is formally invited for a slice of cake and a glass of something. The 10 spare seats in the registry office are on a first come first served basis, thereafter you're waiting outside for the cake and bubbly! We'd love to see you there to turn a depressing fortnight into a happier celebration.
More interesting than witnessing our wedding or even sampling the cake, rumour has it my biggest daughter has promised Pumpa she will remove her black jeans in favour of a dress for the first time in 4 years. Come on - those who know her know that is worth a photo in itself!
Looking forward to seeing you all!
(If you think you can make it, send us a wee email (phyllisgautier@hotmail.com) so we know how much bubbly to get in. I promise we won't hold you to it!)

WHY THE SILENCE?

Just 9 short weeks after resigning from my job because we needed someone to stay home to look after the children given the £1900 bill for nursery and afterschool, we were told last week that Thomas's job, amongst many others, is 'potentially redundant'. So I have spent the last week in a daze of panic, fear, tears, anger and incredulity as we try to work out how to feed 6 people and pay for the house, which we can't sell during the housing market collapse, on no income at the height of the worst recession in the last 100 years.
To lose one job, Mr Worthing, may be regarded as a misfortune; to lose both looks like carelessness.
Oh and the big summer wedding is now officially cancelled, of course.

A BLOGGY WEDDING?

Bride and Groom winebottles
Originally uploaded by robleto

I'm still a bit stressed about this whole wedding thing. Only having family risks turning into a damp squib of a day... not that I have a problem with our families - of course not, but as I said before it'd feel like Boxing Day and make (what will hopefully be Thomas's only wedding day) a bit underwhelming. Then we thought of choosing 7 or 8 friends each to add to that but firstly even that is expensive - 20 family plus 15 friends plus possibly 15 partners, various offspring etc. This appeals more but isn't particularly wise in this economic climate. You don't want to book a wedding and then find you can't pay for it when it comes round because everyone has lost their job or whatever. Also by the time you get to my age choosing just 7 or 8 out of 50 friends is depressing and divisive.
Then it came to me in my dream last night. How about the ultimate nerd wedding? You don't send invites. You leave an open invitation on your blog and those who read it come along. Not only do you find out that way who reads you, you have a fun surprise day... (and you probably get to meet some new complete weirdos you've never seen before!) And as for the meal - you just have a big picnic somewhere.
Perfect!

Although it could turn out that no one reads it and we'd be standing there alone - hahahaha.

LET'S DISCUSS THE SCENARIOS ONE AT A TIME

cake top
Originally uploaded by red betty black

OK, for argument's sake, let's discuss the minimalist options first.
The most minimal guest list is Thomas and I... This is unlikely to be popular! Marcel is already bouncing around mentally ordering food and teasing Charlotte about female attire. I doubt the parents would be overly pleased either.
So the minimal is probably me, Thomas, Marcel, Charlotte, Léon, Anna, mum, dad, Derek, Amanda, Gordy, Brita, Peter, Miriam, Bjørn, Felix, Theodor and Ursula.
Given this is all our immediate family, we tried to imagine the day.
We'd need to get married on a Saturday to allow the foreigners to get here. Saturday services at Registry Offices are usually 10am-1pm. So say we are married by 1-30pm in Glasgow. What do we do with the rest of the day? We could go to Derek and Amanda's for a quick glass of bubbly as it is in the same street at the Registry Office. What would we do from 2-30pm onwards, say 3pm onwards if you take a photo or two. We could arrange a nice meal in the evening but with just 10 adults, you can't have it in a venue dedicated just to you, so I guess it'd mean a restaurant surrounded by other people. That might last 6pm to 8pm. I presume given 8 kids you wouldn't want to start eating at 8pm... Also you'd stand out as a wedding party so it'd be odd in a normal restaurant. But would this feel any different from a family birthday meal or every other Boxing Day meal? And then at 8pm - what do you do? Go back home and put on the dishes, do some washing? How do you make it a special day? How do you make it interesting for the foreign guests, and the kids and us?
Ho hum :-(

THIS IS HARD :-(

Weddings are harder to organize than in my mum and dad's (left) day. When I said yes to Thomas the other day, I had forgotten a few things...

• Firstly, there's the fact that (don't tell anyone - this is between you and me ;-) ) I actually hate weddings - other peoples', mine, you name it!

• Then, as if I haven't learned my lesson from the first time round, we have to try to work out a date that suits potential foreign guests as well as the home-grown variety.

• Then, there's the fact that it is my 2nd (or maybe technically 3rd - (we had a 2nd wedding in France last time round)) wedding but his first so my expectations may be different from his!

• Next, given our (or my) advanced years, I know so many people, and Thomas does too. If we have everyone we'd like there then we need to spend a year's salary on the dinner.

• Also, given it happened last time round, there's that unbalanced wedding problem when one of you is foreign (no one came from France last time, hence the second expensive do). With the best will in the world, friends who agree a wedding abroad may be fun, often drop off the radar once they start calculating the hassle value of flights, accommodation, work holidays, kids' school holidays etc. So we have to gauge whether or not a wedding with our friends might not turn into a party for mine, for the most part. Maybe a safer and fairer option in that case is a tiny, strict family-only do...

• Even that isn't without problems of course, given modern times we have the problem of finding a date where, not only I have my kids available to attend, given André sees them 8 nights a month, but where those nights overlap with when Thomas's sister and her husband have their kids, given they are in a similar, post-divorce second marriage.

• Finally, there are small problems, such as getting Marcel to a hairdresser and Charlotte to realize I really don't want Anna in a bridesmaid's dress, the boys in kilts and Lots in a pair of jeans and a skull T-shirt (this itself could turn out to be the trickiest problem of all!)

Of course I have suggested to Thomas that running away to the Caribbean or up the Empire State building might be easier than finding a suitable compromise to all the above but he's not sure it would be the best option for a first wedding, though he may come round to my way of thinking! I always fancied a barefoot wedding on a beach but if we opt for Prestwick instead of Hawaii, we could be dodging some rain clouds - I remember being soaked through to my underwear in the rain last time I went to a Scottish wedding and that was last July! Maybe if it all gets too stressful, I could hire a stunt-double for the day!