ON THE TOPIC OF MANUALS

A certain family member, who shall remain nameless, also seems to suffer the manual aversion.
Just yesterday said relative bought a new toaster. I am told by the other relative he lives with, that had he read the manual, he'd have realized that you were meant to put the toaster through its paces by twice running it through with no bread in, and on its third run, setting it to setting 4/9 using a slice of moist, fresh bread. Of course this relative likes well-fired toast, so, ignoring all instruction, stuck an old, dry slice of bread in on its first run and set it to 9/9. Worse still he went for a walk round the house, rather than keeping an eye on it.
After the toast caught fire, shot up high enough to set the pine kitchen cupboard on fire, and fall back on top of the plastic-coated toaster, melting it in the process, he had the cheek to return the 'faulty toaster' to Argos demanding a refund and compensation for his kitchen cupboards! ;-)

GADGET MANUALS!

oops!
Originally uploaded by PhylB

We bought a new camera the other day - mainly because our Sony 100 was a bit sick, but also because we found a wonderful deal on Hong Kong imports. I took it to the Botanics with me on Tuesday... its first outing. I hadn't read the manual - I suffer from a complete allergy to manuals and usually only ever resort to reading one when the gadget I am attempting to use has caught fire or something similarly fatal.
Léon was standing in front of Kibble palace with a sinister stormy sky at his back. The sun was also at his back. I went to turn the dial to force the flash only to find the new Sony 350 doesn't have the function dial the 100 has. No problems, I was sure I could easily find a setting to compensate for the back light before the beautiful sky changed...
Hmmm maybe I should open that manual after all...

DRINKING STRAWS

this sucks.
Originally uploaded by billaday

The older I get, the more I find myself hating drinking straws. I have them in the house, of course. Marcel and Lots like them for drinks but the real reason I have them is for smooth soup. Since Léon gave up bibs smooth soup without a straw ends up with his clothing needing several washes if not incineration! But this is also the reason I find them so revolting. Have you ever watched a 2 year old with a straw? Today, for lunch, I made some homemade cream of chicken and spinach soup and gave Léon a straw. That was fine. He had Ribena too. He alternated dipping his straw in the green soup and the purple juice. Yeuch! Inevitably somewhere along the line he dropped it on the carpet and reverted to his spoon, dirtying his t-shirt after the second spoonful. Running to clean the t-shirt, I forgot the spinach-caked straw, which he, of course, found at dinner and promptly plonked into his apple juice. The combination of a pre-schooler and a drinking straw is just too revolting for me. I wonder when kids tastebuds start working well enough that they too find using a hairy, soup-caked straw in a clear, fresh glass of apple juice unacceptable?

SIBLING RIVALRY

Poor Pudge
Originally uploaded by PhylB

Sibling rivalry seems to be starting earlier than I remember from my Marcel and Charlotte days. I was in Tesco with Léon and Anna in a trolley like this one today. Anna, as always, was waving her arms and legs excitedly. Léon whined a little - Anna no hit Nénaw, Anna no hurt Nénaw, Mummy Anna's hiiiiitting me! Gimme a break! I explained she was simply trying to pat him on the head because she loved him, which seemed to pacify him for an aisle or two anyway till it all started up again! I guess I should get ready for fireworks once she can crawl!

DUMMY?

yummy wine
Originally uploaded by PhylB

I was saying last week that I didn't know why Danes were so into dummies... Here in Scotland we have found the perfect way to keep a baby content without hiding its smile ;-) See the whole set of shots of my little wino on flickr!

EGG

As Sure As Eggs Is Eggs
Originally uploaded by Monster.

Léon loves eggs. It has got so bad that when egg is one constituent of a meal we have to hide it till the end or he eats it first then says 'more egg, more egg, more egg'. Funny boy - He's not quite his Uncle Derek! Huh?

THANKS A BUNCH GORDON AND CO

So, their tails between their legs, they have U-turned on the taxes, but of course I am still in that tiny little minority that is getting shafted. Because I work part-time (just mornings), I don't earn more than the £18K you need to not get screwed. Today they decided to give money back to the over 60s that had lost out and to the under 25s with no kids because they too are losing. What gets me is that my group is meant to be covered by child tax credits, but because of my partner's earnings I don't qualify for those - despite the fact that three of my kids are not my partner's dependents. There is a crazy situation in this country where those who are on a low or part time income have their partner's income taken into account when they apply for tax credits. The upshot being that new partners end up having to take on the financial responsibility for their partner's children from previous relationships. And the government is still surprised when people in my situation claim to be living as a single parent instead of declaring their partner. I wonder if it is too late to hide Anna under the bed and pretend that I am Thomas's lodger ;-)
It is intersting actually. Watching Newsnight at the moment and the Labour spokesperson keeps discussing how the taxes affect specific 'households'. I think that has put the finger on what is wrong. In my parents' generation people thought of taxes a couple thing, or a household thing but these days people think of themselves as individuals. Couples often have separate bank accounts so taking £200 off the woman, and in some cases (again, not mine) giving the £200 back to the man is still not seen fair. Labour needs to stop thinking in these old-fashioned terms. Households change too often these days to operate in those terms.

DANISH CAR POLICY

The seatless car
Originally uploaded by PhylB

I have been meaning to blog about Danish cars ever since I first set foot there 18 months ago. I found it absolutely mind-blowing and still do. There are many parts to the car tax policy that are incomprehensible to us foreigners. I am sure anyone, unfamiliar with Denmark, will fall off their seat in shock once I mention a few of its surprises.
I lived in Germany many years ago (1989) and for some (illogical) reason, I always assumed Scandinavia would be quite German in its car policies. I visualised lots of green policies - many small cars, but bright and new so low in pollution. I imagined car sharing amongst students - after all, my Konstanz stay was punctuated by hitch-hiking in old VW campervans and looking uni noticeboards for Mitfahrgelegenheiten on the weekends. I presumed that once you had a reasonable job in Denmark you'd probably drive around in a fancy Saab, the way the Germans drive their BMWs.
Thomas mentioned his parents shared a car - a minister and a university professor in the UK would have 2 cars - they wouldn't share a car. I figured it'd be something fancy - he is a top professor, after all, and she must have to drive around a lot as a minister. It is a Fiat Multipla. There is nothing odd about that in itself - many of my mum friends drive Multiplas given they have 6 seats - Oh no they don't...Oh yes they do???? but not always if you live in Denmark! Thomas's parents' Multipla has 3 seats. I thought they were nipping down to Ikea to buy a new dining room table or something. Nope - they only own 3 seats! Car tax in Denmark is so high that many people use the tax loophole of converting their cars to vans (by removing all but the front row of seats) to pay less tax... now I don't mean no tax - a 3 seater Multipla is still majorly more expensive than a 6 seater one here in Scotland but it is then affordable. The net result is that no one in Denmark with these adapted cars can give you a lift anywhere. If 4 adults go out to the theatre together they can't go in one car, they need to take 2. So instead of the green policy I expected, while the rest of us are being encouraged to car-share and avoid single occupant journeys, Denmark is populated by empty cars all driving around.
The other problem, of course, is that because car tax is so high even people with the most prestigious jobs are driving about in 10 year old cars - the kind of thing we here bought as our first car at the age of 18. Thomas remarked that although Copenhagen felt like a city with fewer cars than Glasgow, the pollution level was worse - possibly because of the number of really old cars still in use.
Often when asked what I drive, (a 2 year old 7 seater Citroën C8), I am met by a blank look as they just don't exist there (they retail at more than £50K unlike the approx £20K here). When I elaborate You know the big Citroën people often ask if I mean the C4!
Funny country!

GIMME STRENGTH!

I hate this culture of pointing out the really obvious to people just to cover your back. It is getting worse and worse. At work we got a sticker on the coffee urn telling us hot water is hot. If they were less pc and just stuck a sticker on it saying 'Don't sue us if you are stupid enough to burn yourselves', I'd respect them more! But today's took the biscuit... I found this allergy advice inside a box of free range eggs I was using to make scrambled egg rolls for lunch.

DISAPPEARING JOBS

young gran
Originally uploaded by PhylB

From time to time Thomas and I find ourselves discussing jobs that disappear or get outsourced - sometimes in the context of what best to advise the kids to study, sometimes just for fun. Today, it occurred to me that a job that no longer exists is one my grandmother did. My grandmother played piano. She gave lessons and played in a nightclub even when I was a child, but a job she did earlier was a shop job. But not a shop job as I did in my student days! In the olden days when people often bought sheet music, especially as a gift, and often when the buyer didn't play an instrument, people had no way of telling what they were buying. My gran's job was to play sheet music to prospective buyers in a department store in Glasgow. When the buyer liked what they heard, the music was bought, otherwise she'd play piece after piece until they found something that suited their purposes! What a quaint lost world!

GOT YOU - YOU B@STARDS!

You may remember I wasn't exactly starting up the East Ren Council fanclub last month... Well I said I'd get them and I did! With the help of Marcel, Mum and Dad (thanks guys) I have now cut the conifers into little pieces (despite being allergic to the bloody things and getting a nasty rash) and put them in my normal brown recycle bin to be removed from my garden free of charge on Fridays. And I stand by my charge of them trying to make an easy buck off my back. You'd think it was a lot work given they wanted to charge me £70 for the job - but how many bins did the trees actually fill? - 3 in total. What a cheek! Robbers! :-(

LÉON'S ASTHMA

Pudge with his inhaler
Originally uploaded by viralbus

Léon has been using an asthma inhaler now for 11 months since he developed respiratory problems after contracting chicken pox at the age of 20 months. A few weeks ago the doctor recommended taking him off it for a week or two to see how his breathing is and whether he develops any chest infections. He stopped using it on April 13th and so far so good - touch wood...

THE LUCKIEST PERSON ALIVE?

Audi A3
Originally uploaded by Kamidh

Am I the luckiest person live this week or am I simply being harassed constantly by annoying spam? It's Saturday evening and in the last 4 days I have won 6 Audi A3s according to my email, simply by being the 999 999th person to visit some website...just click wherever. Audi - leave me in peace NOW!

SOME THINGS JUST AREN'T INTUITIVE TO A FOREIGNER

Last week Thomas and I were in the station in Skanderborg in Jutland. In the station there was a waiting room. There didn't seem to be a ticket office however. Outside there was a newsagents which sold magazines, sweets, sandwiches and drinks but had no signs outside mentioning tickets. There didn't seem to be any indicators inside either that you could ask for a return to Copenhagen along with your newspaper and bottle of coke or ice lolly. Given many stations in the UK have been replaced by a ticket machine on the platform, and this is also the case in France, which I know as well as the UK, it would never have occurred to me to even try the newsagents. Had I been travelling alone and unable to speak Danish (as most foreigners visiting Denmark), I would have hunted up and down the platform for a machine in vain and then I probably would have been fined in the train for entering without a ticket. The next day we were in Copenhagen and the same occurred. We needed tickets for the subway. This time there was a small hint, not one I noticed but one Thomas spotted (see the notes if you click on the photo). Again it would never have popped into my head to try to buy tube tickets at the newspaper stand in the local supermarket, rather than in the actual tube station. I imagine Denmark is probably full of foolish foreigners wandering about aimlessly because they are unable to work out where to buy the tickets for any of the public transport systems in the country! :-)

TOO SHORT TO BE DANISH!

 
 

Ever since I have known Thomas, I have thought of him as a tall man - at 1m80 (6'), he is definitely above average in Scotland. But last Saturday I finally realized what he means when he insists he is simply of average height back home. Travelling on the newly-built Copenhagen subway, I went to hold on to the bar as the train pulled out of the station. We laughed when it turned out that at my very-below-Danish average 1m61 (maybe even 1m62 in my shoes), I couldn't even reach the bar the average person was meant to hold on to!

DANISH DUVETS

As I said last week, travelling is interesting. Not only do you get to people-watch but you get to culture-watch too. The first time I visited Denmark I was very surprised by the beds in everyone's homes. Beautiful comfortable beds but always with two single duvets rather than one double duvet. Thomas explained Danes, for the most part, just don't own double (or bigger) duvets. There seem to be 2 common excuses - people like different weights of duvet, so a common one for a couple doesn't work, or people are wary of duvet hoggers, so don't want to share with a partner. I find this utterly bizarre. If you want to be cooler than a partner, stick your feet out the side, if you want to be warmer, stick an extra blanket on top on your side and if you happen to live with fajita man (as I do) then simply buy a king size duvet for your double bed - then there is plenty cover for both of you. However comfortable I am in Denmark, I do find the single duvet system a little lonely, and when I reach out for a hug, I find a big cold gap in the middle between us :-(

STOP PRESS! BELOVED FAMILY MEMBER SICK!!!!

Oh my God! Our first born DSLR is sick! Yesterday when I turned it on it made an odd shuddering noise, but as the battery was showing red I assumed it simply didn't have the power to operate the auto focus. Tonight I recharged the battery and put it on only to find the wee soul is still shuddering. I therefore assumed it was a lens problem but given it makes the noise even with the lens off, I can only conclude our Sony Alpha is sick and in need of a trip to the DSLR repair shop :-( How will we live without it? What if it is terminally ill???

LIKES AND DISLIKES

huggy brothers
Originally uploaded by PhylB

Up till about a month ago Léon happily told us his likes and dislikes. I like cappuccino, I don't like that bad dragon. One afternoon Marcel was playing on his computer with his friend Gregor. They'd closed the door locking Léon out of the bedroom. Léon came downstairs whining in that way only a 2 year old can whine Nénaw can't like Marcel and Nénaw can't like that Gregor either! Both Thomas and I took this as being Léon's way of explaining a deeper annoyance with Marcel than usual. For a month now we have been told of various things Léon 'can't like'. Tonight, as if struck by lightning, it came to us both at the same time. This isn't a different degree of hatred, it is simply a bilingual problem. Léon is simply back-translating the Danish wrongly. In Danish you say : Jeg kan ikke lide Marcel. Sweet!

PANCAKE FEAST

Sometimes things happen that restore your faith in life! I got up this morning to find Marcel and Charlotte had got together, without a hint of sibling rivalry, no rude insults, no lazy lying in front of the TV and made chocolate pancakes following a recipe in one of Thomas's cookbooks. Cooperating in a new adult manner, they'd made the batter (though had put a whole solid cold block of butter in it instead of melting some), and mentioned too that since they didn't know what baking powder was they'd used bicarbonate of soda! Mixing it with the electric whisk had caused batter blobs to be sprayed to all 4 corners of the kitchen and the floor was caked thick enough in maple syrup that I was actually sticking to it, but hey they were friendly, so nothing else matters as much! A parenting success?

A DANISH DUMMY

Denmark is a bit of an enigma to me. In the UK you are warned from late pregnancy against giving your baby a dummy if you intend to breastfeed it. Midwives warn of this mysterious 'nipple confusion' that sends shivers of fear up the spine of any dedicated breast feeder. We are told that dummies can grudgingly be introduced at the same time as solids - probably because they know that if you get through 4 or 5 months without one, you will not want to introduce one then. For that reason almost no breast feeders use dummies in the UK. If your baby has a piece of plastic sticking in its mouth you can bet with 95% certainty it is a bottle feeder. Shops reinforce this by selling dummies on the same shelf as bottles and formula milk, on a completely different aisle from breast pumps, breast pads or nipple cream. I think there is even a bit of breast feeder snobbery attached. A true breast feeder wouldn't be seen dead out and about with a baby using a dummy (though they might sneakily give them one in bed at night, under cover of darkness, with the curtains drawn). Denmark definitely has a higher proportion of breast feeders than here, in the early months at least, and yet I am yet to meet a Danish baby that isn't hidden behind one of these things. When we visited Olivia on Saturday she was sporting a dummy complete with Danish flag, so we had to have a photo. It is after all almost a symbol of Danish babyhood!

Personally I hate them with a passion - the photographer in me cringes at the beautiful smiles you are missing out on when you hide their little faces with these ugly things.